Wildflowers

VENTING 101

Call this a rant if you must, call it drama if you will. I call it confusing. I don't understand why people lie so much. When I was younger I used to lie about everything and as I got older, I realized I was only hurting myself. When you lie, you steal people's faith in you. You steal their loyalty to you. You steal their love and affection because you aren't truly giving them the choice to choose you. They are making their decision based upon a lie that you created in order to finagle the result you desired. That is fraud. It's a lie. ITS A LIE. 

I spent an hour or two on the phone with a girl friend of mine tonight. She is devastated. She has spent quite a bit of time in a relationship that has cost her dearly. She has lost so much and she has been through so much struggle and pain almost completely alone. She was crying on the phone asking me why did she love HIM so much that she would allow so many bad things to happen to her and her life? I asked her what was hurting her so much NOW? I mean you've always felt like you couldn't trust him. You ALWAYS knew that he was keeping things from you and lying to you and you stayed. So why cry now? Why not just erase him from your life completely? She said she could not because he had stolen her heart and she couldnt get it back. 

At first I thought she was just trying to be romantic and cliche about her feelings but then I gave it some deeper thought. I realized that she was saying what I have been saying for the past year and then some, WHEN YOU LIE TO SOMEONE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT< YOU ARE STEALING FROM THEM. Her heart was stolen from her by a wolf in a sheep's clothing. Even I thought this guy was a nice guy and I can honestly say that I am pretty much your typical, jaded bitter female lol. I considered this guy my friend. I honestly am reconsidering my friendship with him now. She told me about certain lies that he told ME. Why lie to ME? I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not your wife, mother, sister, pastor or any other person you might feel you need to put on a front for. I was your friend, I let you into my life to share my good times, my bad times, to coach me through heartache and pray with me through fear. I did the same for you. Yet, you lied to me. You pretended to love me as a friend, and hid things from me that hurt me SO DEEPLY. SO DEEPLY. If my friend had simply been honest with me, I would have been saved so much hurt, aggravation and embarrassment that I would probably live three years longer lol. He didn't. He lied to me and I was just a friend. I can only imagine what hurt his fiance is feeling knowing about all the lies he told. I listen to her cry and I start crying too because I love her like a sister and her pain is so raw. It's like she's grieving a death.

I guess in reality, she is in fact grieving a death. She is grieving the death of a dream. She has woken up from her fantasy to face all the demons of reality rearing their ugly faces and sharpening their claws on her ego and the remaining shreds of her heart. 

She said she's moving away. She said she's not sure if or when we will talk again. Because of HIM, I am losing a friend, a sister. Because of HIM good men will miss out on the opportunity to love someone like her because she will be someone like me. LOL Full of love, full of passion, and full of doubt when it comes to dating. 

and you know, the truth of it is, we can't place the blame totally on him and him alone. She had a part in it too. She will get mad at me for saying it but truth is, she knew he was lying a looooooong time ago. The internet is a muhf***er. I have girlfriends who do the funniest, craziest things to find out the truth about their partners and the thing is THE SH*T WORKS!! Like, I have one friend who has this program that I thought was a freaking myth anywhere outside of an FBI office or something like that lol. She has the ability to track any password and email address from anywhere she is. Everytime homie logs into an email or im chat, she knows all about it word for word. I thought I was good at the whole email thing (disclaimer: I HAVE NEVER BROKEN INTO ANYONE'S EMAIL WITHOUT PERMISSION. I PUT THAT ON EVERYTHING) but this girl is the BOMB. LOL and that's a lie too. LOL I'm not knockin her but she's lying to her boyfriend everytime she asks him a question knowing that his answer is a lie because she isnt telling the whole truth. We all have a part in our own heart break man. If girlfriend had left the first time he lied, the first time a girl picked up her fiance's phone, the first time he disappeared for a few days, if she had left then, she wouldnt be crying now. People only treat you how you allow them to treat you. I had to tell her "You know WHY he's doing what he's doing is cus you made it okay" I told her she made it okay everytime she caught a lie but let it fly cus she didnt want to make him mad or she didnt want to face the truth. Everytime you do that, you are giving him/her permission to continue to treat you the same way they have been. I'm telling you man....I cant do anything but sit here and shake my head cus I'm tired and I am so blown by this whole thing. She lost her man, I'm losing TWO friends, She has lost EVERYTHING ya'll. I mean everything. everything....all for a guy who lied from the very first damn date and all because she acted like that lie wasnt a lie to begin with. I'm telling you ladies and gents, don't be afraid to call a spade a spade. You have to protect yourself first. The definition of love is not 'blind, deaf, and dumb'. I promise you it's not. SMDH GOING TO BED CLASS IN THE AM.

How do we know our religious beliefs are true?

Religion is the most controversial subject in the world. The myriad of faith and belief systems in the United States alone is too plentiful to be counted. The variables are vast in number and complicated beyond reason. I believe this is because of the fact that religion is so open to interpretation. One person may feel one way while I feel another. Who is to say which of us is correct? Can we call God and ask him? Things that are difficult to substantiate are almost always considered false. Religion is one of the few things that humans seem to follow blindly. I don’t understand the huge amount of followers in such a situation so constantly evolving.
A common denominator among ‘believers’ is a higher power also known as ‘a supreme being’; the ‘God(s) Theory. This theory is simple enough. It is the belief that an entity exists outside the realm of ‘normalcy’; outside our tangible world; in place to guide, heal, protect, govern, judge, and sentence mankind. Each religion has its own set of rules, parables, legends, and laws in regard to how we as humans should conduct ourselves.
Because of the varied beliefs and behaviors of members of religious sects, questions about faith arise. “Who is God?” “Am I wrong?” “What is good?” Most importantly how do we know? For over four thousand years there has been a debate into the name of this deity. Jehovah, Yahweh, God, Allah, Buddha; the list is truly infinite. As each name is adopted, so too are values, traditions, and lifestyles exhibited by members of each religious group. There are so many variations to each religion. So many interpretations of what it means to be a Christian.
I question the reality of the adaptations. Are these people searching for what to call their supreme being? Is it possible they are searching for something to believe in? Is it possible they are searching for an explanation as to why seven year old Tommy has cancer? I believe so. Religion is not a science. It is not a problem to be solved through mathematics or investigation. Instead, I believe that religion is a coping mechanism employed by a purely human need for understanding into ourselves and life’s circumstances. I believe this because we do have proof that the human mind is constantly learning. One cannot answer what isn’t asked. Religion answers why the sky is blue and why grandmas die in pain sometimes. Answers become, “Because God said so” rather than “I don’t know.”
The debate about what is right and just in the eyes of God is ongoing. Every day, we ask ourselves what we believe and we seek to illustrate our beliefs through our actions. Atheists ask us, “Where is God? Why doesn’t he show himself? How do we know God is real?” My answer is simple. We don’t know. We do not know that God exists. We do not know that our lives were planned and that we are not merely living through circumstance brought about by human action and error. We do not know because religion is word of mouth. It is stories that are told to teach us how to live and to try to ease our fears and consciences. I believe this is true because I am certainly of the opinion that it is much easier to forgive oneself for what you feel is an error if it is believed that the most powerful being has already forgiven you.
I am not an Atheist. I do believe in God. I believe that there is an entity that has chosen to guide me and assist me through life. I believe this because when I pray, things happen for me. For example, there is nothing more important to me than graduating from Benedict College. Due to financial issues and an ongoing dispute about my grades, I am sometimes afraid that this goal will never come to fruition. When I pray, things start to fall into place. A relative buys me a bus ticket back to South Carolina. A Professor accepts my late work. One could argue that a person could do such a thing out of free will. I would argue that they could have, maybe should have, but didn’t until after I prayed.
I believe God to be of a paternal nature. I prove this by calling God ‘father’. I believe that God has an ethereal composition of love, respect, and sincerity. I believe that I am made in this image. I believe this because my heart and mind respond most positively when I am treated well. I prove this by loving generously, respecting others and by standing firm behind my actions. Whether they are viewed good or bad by others, I accept responsibility for all that I do.
I believe that God is patience and I prove that by attempting to understand that individuals are all on a continuing journey toward total satisfaction and self actualization. I believe these things because when I live in a positive way, positive things happen to me.
Many religions are based on tiers of life. For example, Christianity, there is a common belief in two tiers of existence. One is here on earth and the other is in heaven or hell. Hell is said to be a place void of any joy, filled with lakes of fire and sorrow. It is widely believed that ‘sinners’ who do not appeal to Jesus for forgiveness are doomed to spend eternity in such a place. I do not believe this.
Because I believe that God is patience, I don’t believe that God would send someone to feel eternal anguish because of an error in life. I actually do not believe in heaven or hell. I believe that when death comes upon me, so does peace. I don’t believe there are a thousand harp players tuning their instruments in preparation for my arrival. I feel that God’s people have better things to do. Once I am dead, Shauncea ceases to exist and my spirit becomes free for God to use. I believe this because once I am dead my spirit can’t be distracted and will be ready for work.
I cannot prove that these things are true. I tell myself that they are. I tell myself that life’s hardships don’t last forever. I can prove this only upon my death. I believe that regardless of what happens to the soul of me, my hardships cannot follow me to my grave.
It is entirely possible that I am wrong. It is possible that a skinny man that preached asceticism is the true leader. It is possible that pork is dirty and consuming it is sinful. It is even possible that a man was nailed to a cross, impaled and survived for three days in a drugged state before being smuggled away in the night. ( read The Last Disciple by Tim Lahaye) However, it is equally possible that we are simply alone in the universe; here to live, learn, and die.
The one truth in the matter is that no one; not one of us will know what is true until the day we die. Therefore, we must live by our individual faiths alone, using them to cope, celebrate, and live the best way we can. After all, “…faith is to believe that which we cannot see. The reward of that faith is to see what we believe.”(unknown) No matter what that may be, I can’t prove it. There is no proof of that…
I believe that the actual act of faith makes my beliefs true. For instance, we all know that the sky is a color. We call that color blue and so, the sky is blue. We do not know if God even calls blue ‘blue’. It could be that the sky is not even close to blue but because we have believed it to be for so long, it has become so. That’s all that religion is. It is a belief in the stories and fables that are so deeply rooted in our lives that it almost has to be ‘true’ in order for us to cope. The possibility that it is false or made up, or that we believe in the wrong thing, is difficult for people to handle. They get angry, sad, or frightened. In my opinion, this simply lends credence to the fact that religion is a coping mechanism.
I do not doubt that people firmly believe what they do. I do not doubt that they have seen their particular religion work for them. I simply believe that all of our views will work in our favor because we as humans will take life’s circumstances and cut them and trim them to fit into our belief systems and patterns. We do this to answer those questions that can’t be answered. We do this to understand ourselves and each other. I am one of these people. Believing in what I do, explains why I struggle the way I do, it creates a peace in my mind born from understanding. It cushions the falls that occur throughout life.
My beliefs are simple. Instead of a light at the end of a tunnel, my beliefs are more like a lighter in my pocket. They illuminate things in my immediate path. They show me what is up and what is down. I cannot see far ahead of me but, I can see enough to not fall. I can see enough to walk a little bit further. Each step takes me closer to the other end of the tunnel and closer to freedom. Each step takes me closer to peace. I am simply a ‘believer’. I cannot perform miracles. I cannot call God down to sit among us. I can and I will simply abide by my faith and hope that upon my death, I will discover peace