Call this a rant if you must, call it drama if you will. I call it confusing. I don't understand why people lie so much. When I was younger I used to lie about everything and as I got older, I realized I was only hurting myself. When you lie, you steal people's faith in you. You steal their loyalty to you. You steal their love and affection because you aren't truly giving them the choice to choose you. They are making their decision based upon a lie that you created in order to finagle the result you desired. That is fraud. It's a lie. ITS A LIE.
I spent an hour or two on the phone with a girl friend of mine tonight. She is devastated. She has spent quite a bit of time in a relationship that has cost her dearly. She has lost so much and she has been through so much struggle and pain almost completely alone. She was crying on the phone asking me why did she love HIM so much that she would allow so many bad things to happen to her and her life? I asked her what was hurting her so much NOW? I mean you've always felt like you couldn't trust him. You ALWAYS knew that he was keeping things from you and lying to you and you stayed. So why cry now? Why not just erase him from your life completely? She said she could not because he had stolen her heart and she couldnt get it back.
At first I thought she was just trying to be romantic and cliche about her feelings but then I gave it some deeper thought. I realized that she was saying what I have been saying for the past year and then some, WHEN YOU LIE TO SOMEONE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT< YOU ARE STEALING FROM THEM. Her heart was stolen from her by a wolf in a sheep's clothing. Even I thought this guy was a nice guy and I can honestly say that I am pretty much your typical, jaded bitter female lol. I considered this guy my friend. I honestly am reconsidering my friendship with him now. She told me about certain lies that he told ME. Why lie to ME? I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not your wife, mother, sister, pastor or any other person you might feel you need to put on a front for. I was your friend, I let you into my life to share my good times, my bad times, to coach me through heartache and pray with me through fear. I did the same for you. Yet, you lied to me. You pretended to love me as a friend, and hid things from me that hurt me SO DEEPLY. SO DEEPLY. If my friend had simply been honest with me, I would have been saved so much hurt, aggravation and embarrassment that I would probably live three years longer lol. He didn't. He lied to me and I was just a friend. I can only imagine what hurt his fiance is feeling knowing about all the lies he told. I listen to her cry and I start crying too because I love her like a sister and her pain is so raw. It's like she's grieving a death.
I guess in reality, she is in fact grieving a death. She is grieving the death of a dream. She has woken up from her fantasy to face all the demons of reality rearing their ugly faces and sharpening their claws on her ego and the remaining shreds of her heart.
She said she's moving away. She said she's not sure if or when we will talk again. Because of HIM, I am losing a friend, a sister. Because of HIM good men will miss out on the opportunity to love someone like her because she will be someone like me. LOL Full of love, full of passion, and full of doubt when it comes to dating.
and you know, the truth of it is, we can't place the blame totally on him and him alone. She had a part in it too. She will get mad at me for saying it but truth is, she knew he was lying a looooooong time ago. The internet is a muhf***er. I have girlfriends who do the funniest, craziest things to find out the truth about their partners and the thing is THE SH*T WORKS!! Like, I have one friend who has this program that I thought was a freaking myth anywhere outside of an FBI office or something like that lol. She has the ability to track any password and email address from anywhere she is. Everytime homie logs into an email or im chat, she knows all about it word for word. I thought I was good at the whole email thing (disclaimer: I HAVE NEVER BROKEN INTO ANYONE'S EMAIL WITHOUT PERMISSION. I PUT THAT ON EVERYTHING) but this girl is the BOMB. LOL and that's a lie too. LOL I'm not knockin her but she's lying to her boyfriend everytime she asks him a question knowing that his answer is a lie because she isnt telling the whole truth. We all have a part in our own heart break man. If girlfriend had left the first time he lied, the first time a girl picked up her fiance's phone, the first time he disappeared for a few days, if she had left then, she wouldnt be crying now. People only treat you how you allow them to treat you. I had to tell her "You know WHY he's doing what he's doing is cus you made it okay" I told her she made it okay everytime she caught a lie but let it fly cus she didnt want to make him mad or she didnt want to face the truth. Everytime you do that, you are giving him/her permission to continue to treat you the same way they have been. I'm telling you man....I cant do anything but sit here and shake my head cus I'm tired and I am so blown by this whole thing. She lost her man, I'm losing TWO friends, She has lost EVERYTHING ya'll. I mean everything. everything....all for a guy who lied from the very first damn date and all because she acted like that lie wasnt a lie to begin with. I'm telling you ladies and gents, don't be afraid to call a spade a spade. You have to protect yourself first. The definition of love is not 'blind, deaf, and dumb'. I promise you it's not. SMDH GOING TO BED CLASS IN THE AM.
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