Journey with Me!!

Hey ya'll!! So the new year is coming and I have been working on some things. I started in August but I have decided to carry them into the new year with me to incorporate more positivity into my everyday life. SO I have decided that I am going to start video logging my weight loss journey. I have been working on my weight for years and thus far, I have gone from a size 34 to a size 26. I have been stuck at a 26 for years and as it has become very frustrating for me I have decided to try a whole new approach. Please feel free to follow me and my journey as well as encourage others to do so as well. I will post the first video on 12/31/10 and will do a video a day (whether I have makeup on or not lol) until 12/31/11 and we will see where I am.

I will be discussing my daily food intake, my struggles with avoiding certain foods, my exercise routines, my emotions and everything else that accompanies such a life change. I will also do contests for each subscriber milestone (100 subbies, 500 subbies, 1000 subbies and so on) so please encourage your friends to subscribe. I love health and beauty so I will have plenty of gift certificates and packages to give away. I look forward to sharing my journey with you all. :) Save the date in your calendar and be ready to journey with me on 12/31/10 at the following link.

http://www.youtube.com/user/starrlicious2?feature=mhum

Really?

I suppose I am going to have to do a VLOG about this issue because honestly, I think I will ramble too much to make sense in a written blog. I want to address stupidity. You know it is really disturbing that we allow our children to become experts on video games, computer games, can navigate through any social website yet, they can hardly string together complete thoughts. It actually angers me to see so many of our peers, actually unable to speak properly, to spell even the most basic of words, to use even the proper form of a word. A malapropism is 'the gross misuse of a word'. I feel like there has to be a word for the gross misuse of the English language. I'm not addressing text talk or regular internet jargon like 'wtf, phuck, askin' whateva'' or things like that. I'm talking about lost being written as lossed, practice being written as practised, the misuse of their, they're and there, the use of here instead of hear, where or ever ware instead of wear, close instead of clothes. These types of mistakes in an adult are just plain sad. These mistakes in the language and writing of an adult with children are just tragic. What are you teaching your child?
Some people can not be blamed for how they were raised. Some people's parent bought them video games instead of books, toys instead of paper and pencils and that's okay. However, as an adult, don't you want more? As a parent don't you want more for your own children? You sit on Facebook and you talk about your child with such love and admiration, but you don't take the time out to better yourself? You must understand that in order to teach something, you must learn it first. Your child should be able to walk, unless handicapped. Your child will be unable to grow and be successful if you handicap them by refusing to acknowledge your own shortcomings and seek out ways to overcome them. We can not blame the world for what happens in our homes at night. You can choose to watch Housewives or try out a new 27 piece or you can pick up a book and read it to your child. You can give her crayons and send her on her way or you can teach her to write her name. You can say 'gimme dat lil' girl' or you can say 'Morgan, bring me that pen.' Children are sponges and they will soak up whatever they can good or bad. Try to provide them with as much good as possible. They deserve it.

Sneaky little bastard

It's so odd how quickly grief sneaks up on you. Everytime I think I am over losing my grandmother, I see a picture or hear a song, read a poem or smell her perfume and the tears come. They overtake me as if she had just died three minutes ago. I dont think I can ever think of her and not be sad that she is gone. I loved her so so damn much. She was my world man...SMH. I truly dont understand why it hurts so much. I never wanted her to stay in pain. She was so sick and it was definitely time for her to move on but that selfish part of me is screaming in pain for her to come back. I need her here with me, guiding me and loving me when no one else did. Now she's gone and I just feel alone. I'm the damn ant in the beehive again. I miss her.

LMAO

I know a lot of people were very upset about this whole Antoine Dodson issue. They claimed that the media was exploiting poor black folks and allowing us to 'make fools of ourselves for profit.' WOW.


When a person is attacked, they respond in the best way they see fit. Antoine Dodson looked a hot mess, yes. He sounded insane, agreed. He should NOT have threatened someone on t.v, maybe. HOWEVER, he had every right to respond to what had happened. Honestly, we all know that had that response not gained the notoriety it did, the issue of a break- in at the projects would have been politely swept under a rug. I gotta give him some credit for becoming an artist in the process. LOL Make yo' paper boo-boo lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMtZfW2z9dw
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RMB10wwmWrU&feature=player_embedded

Wildflowers

VENTING 101

Call this a rant if you must, call it drama if you will. I call it confusing. I don't understand why people lie so much. When I was younger I used to lie about everything and as I got older, I realized I was only hurting myself. When you lie, you steal people's faith in you. You steal their loyalty to you. You steal their love and affection because you aren't truly giving them the choice to choose you. They are making their decision based upon a lie that you created in order to finagle the result you desired. That is fraud. It's a lie. ITS A LIE. 

I spent an hour or two on the phone with a girl friend of mine tonight. She is devastated. She has spent quite a bit of time in a relationship that has cost her dearly. She has lost so much and she has been through so much struggle and pain almost completely alone. She was crying on the phone asking me why did she love HIM so much that she would allow so many bad things to happen to her and her life? I asked her what was hurting her so much NOW? I mean you've always felt like you couldn't trust him. You ALWAYS knew that he was keeping things from you and lying to you and you stayed. So why cry now? Why not just erase him from your life completely? She said she could not because he had stolen her heart and she couldnt get it back. 

At first I thought she was just trying to be romantic and cliche about her feelings but then I gave it some deeper thought. I realized that she was saying what I have been saying for the past year and then some, WHEN YOU LIE TO SOMEONE TO GET WHAT YOU WANT< YOU ARE STEALING FROM THEM. Her heart was stolen from her by a wolf in a sheep's clothing. Even I thought this guy was a nice guy and I can honestly say that I am pretty much your typical, jaded bitter female lol. I considered this guy my friend. I honestly am reconsidering my friendship with him now. She told me about certain lies that he told ME. Why lie to ME? I'm not your girlfriend, I'm not your wife, mother, sister, pastor or any other person you might feel you need to put on a front for. I was your friend, I let you into my life to share my good times, my bad times, to coach me through heartache and pray with me through fear. I did the same for you. Yet, you lied to me. You pretended to love me as a friend, and hid things from me that hurt me SO DEEPLY. SO DEEPLY. If my friend had simply been honest with me, I would have been saved so much hurt, aggravation and embarrassment that I would probably live three years longer lol. He didn't. He lied to me and I was just a friend. I can only imagine what hurt his fiance is feeling knowing about all the lies he told. I listen to her cry and I start crying too because I love her like a sister and her pain is so raw. It's like she's grieving a death.

I guess in reality, she is in fact grieving a death. She is grieving the death of a dream. She has woken up from her fantasy to face all the demons of reality rearing their ugly faces and sharpening their claws on her ego and the remaining shreds of her heart. 

She said she's moving away. She said she's not sure if or when we will talk again. Because of HIM, I am losing a friend, a sister. Because of HIM good men will miss out on the opportunity to love someone like her because she will be someone like me. LOL Full of love, full of passion, and full of doubt when it comes to dating. 

and you know, the truth of it is, we can't place the blame totally on him and him alone. She had a part in it too. She will get mad at me for saying it but truth is, she knew he was lying a looooooong time ago. The internet is a muhf***er. I have girlfriends who do the funniest, craziest things to find out the truth about their partners and the thing is THE SH*T WORKS!! Like, I have one friend who has this program that I thought was a freaking myth anywhere outside of an FBI office or something like that lol. She has the ability to track any password and email address from anywhere she is. Everytime homie logs into an email or im chat, she knows all about it word for word. I thought I was good at the whole email thing (disclaimer: I HAVE NEVER BROKEN INTO ANYONE'S EMAIL WITHOUT PERMISSION. I PUT THAT ON EVERYTHING) but this girl is the BOMB. LOL and that's a lie too. LOL I'm not knockin her but she's lying to her boyfriend everytime she asks him a question knowing that his answer is a lie because she isnt telling the whole truth. We all have a part in our own heart break man. If girlfriend had left the first time he lied, the first time a girl picked up her fiance's phone, the first time he disappeared for a few days, if she had left then, she wouldnt be crying now. People only treat you how you allow them to treat you. I had to tell her "You know WHY he's doing what he's doing is cus you made it okay" I told her she made it okay everytime she caught a lie but let it fly cus she didnt want to make him mad or she didnt want to face the truth. Everytime you do that, you are giving him/her permission to continue to treat you the same way they have been. I'm telling you man....I cant do anything but sit here and shake my head cus I'm tired and I am so blown by this whole thing. She lost her man, I'm losing TWO friends, She has lost EVERYTHING ya'll. I mean everything. everything....all for a guy who lied from the very first damn date and all because she acted like that lie wasnt a lie to begin with. I'm telling you ladies and gents, don't be afraid to call a spade a spade. You have to protect yourself first. The definition of love is not 'blind, deaf, and dumb'. I promise you it's not. SMDH GOING TO BED CLASS IN THE AM.

How do we know our religious beliefs are true?

Religion is the most controversial subject in the world. The myriad of faith and belief systems in the United States alone is too plentiful to be counted. The variables are vast in number and complicated beyond reason. I believe this is because of the fact that religion is so open to interpretation. One person may feel one way while I feel another. Who is to say which of us is correct? Can we call God and ask him? Things that are difficult to substantiate are almost always considered false. Religion is one of the few things that humans seem to follow blindly. I don’t understand the huge amount of followers in such a situation so constantly evolving.
A common denominator among ‘believers’ is a higher power also known as ‘a supreme being’; the ‘God(s) Theory. This theory is simple enough. It is the belief that an entity exists outside the realm of ‘normalcy’; outside our tangible world; in place to guide, heal, protect, govern, judge, and sentence mankind. Each religion has its own set of rules, parables, legends, and laws in regard to how we as humans should conduct ourselves.
Because of the varied beliefs and behaviors of members of religious sects, questions about faith arise. “Who is God?” “Am I wrong?” “What is good?” Most importantly how do we know? For over four thousand years there has been a debate into the name of this deity. Jehovah, Yahweh, God, Allah, Buddha; the list is truly infinite. As each name is adopted, so too are values, traditions, and lifestyles exhibited by members of each religious group. There are so many variations to each religion. So many interpretations of what it means to be a Christian.
I question the reality of the adaptations. Are these people searching for what to call their supreme being? Is it possible they are searching for something to believe in? Is it possible they are searching for an explanation as to why seven year old Tommy has cancer? I believe so. Religion is not a science. It is not a problem to be solved through mathematics or investigation. Instead, I believe that religion is a coping mechanism employed by a purely human need for understanding into ourselves and life’s circumstances. I believe this because we do have proof that the human mind is constantly learning. One cannot answer what isn’t asked. Religion answers why the sky is blue and why grandmas die in pain sometimes. Answers become, “Because God said so” rather than “I don’t know.”
The debate about what is right and just in the eyes of God is ongoing. Every day, we ask ourselves what we believe and we seek to illustrate our beliefs through our actions. Atheists ask us, “Where is God? Why doesn’t he show himself? How do we know God is real?” My answer is simple. We don’t know. We do not know that God exists. We do not know that our lives were planned and that we are not merely living through circumstance brought about by human action and error. We do not know because religion is word of mouth. It is stories that are told to teach us how to live and to try to ease our fears and consciences. I believe this is true because I am certainly of the opinion that it is much easier to forgive oneself for what you feel is an error if it is believed that the most powerful being has already forgiven you.
I am not an Atheist. I do believe in God. I believe that there is an entity that has chosen to guide me and assist me through life. I believe this because when I pray, things happen for me. For example, there is nothing more important to me than graduating from Benedict College. Due to financial issues and an ongoing dispute about my grades, I am sometimes afraid that this goal will never come to fruition. When I pray, things start to fall into place. A relative buys me a bus ticket back to South Carolina. A Professor accepts my late work. One could argue that a person could do such a thing out of free will. I would argue that they could have, maybe should have, but didn’t until after I prayed.
I believe God to be of a paternal nature. I prove this by calling God ‘father’. I believe that God has an ethereal composition of love, respect, and sincerity. I believe that I am made in this image. I believe this because my heart and mind respond most positively when I am treated well. I prove this by loving generously, respecting others and by standing firm behind my actions. Whether they are viewed good or bad by others, I accept responsibility for all that I do.
I believe that God is patience and I prove that by attempting to understand that individuals are all on a continuing journey toward total satisfaction and self actualization. I believe these things because when I live in a positive way, positive things happen to me.
Many religions are based on tiers of life. For example, Christianity, there is a common belief in two tiers of existence. One is here on earth and the other is in heaven or hell. Hell is said to be a place void of any joy, filled with lakes of fire and sorrow. It is widely believed that ‘sinners’ who do not appeal to Jesus for forgiveness are doomed to spend eternity in such a place. I do not believe this.
Because I believe that God is patience, I don’t believe that God would send someone to feel eternal anguish because of an error in life. I actually do not believe in heaven or hell. I believe that when death comes upon me, so does peace. I don’t believe there are a thousand harp players tuning their instruments in preparation for my arrival. I feel that God’s people have better things to do. Once I am dead, Shauncea ceases to exist and my spirit becomes free for God to use. I believe this because once I am dead my spirit can’t be distracted and will be ready for work.
I cannot prove that these things are true. I tell myself that they are. I tell myself that life’s hardships don’t last forever. I can prove this only upon my death. I believe that regardless of what happens to the soul of me, my hardships cannot follow me to my grave.
It is entirely possible that I am wrong. It is possible that a skinny man that preached asceticism is the true leader. It is possible that pork is dirty and consuming it is sinful. It is even possible that a man was nailed to a cross, impaled and survived for three days in a drugged state before being smuggled away in the night. ( read The Last Disciple by Tim Lahaye) However, it is equally possible that we are simply alone in the universe; here to live, learn, and die.
The one truth in the matter is that no one; not one of us will know what is true until the day we die. Therefore, we must live by our individual faiths alone, using them to cope, celebrate, and live the best way we can. After all, “…faith is to believe that which we cannot see. The reward of that faith is to see what we believe.”(unknown) No matter what that may be, I can’t prove it. There is no proof of that…
I believe that the actual act of faith makes my beliefs true. For instance, we all know that the sky is a color. We call that color blue and so, the sky is blue. We do not know if God even calls blue ‘blue’. It could be that the sky is not even close to blue but because we have believed it to be for so long, it has become so. That’s all that religion is. It is a belief in the stories and fables that are so deeply rooted in our lives that it almost has to be ‘true’ in order for us to cope. The possibility that it is false or made up, or that we believe in the wrong thing, is difficult for people to handle. They get angry, sad, or frightened. In my opinion, this simply lends credence to the fact that religion is a coping mechanism.
I do not doubt that people firmly believe what they do. I do not doubt that they have seen their particular religion work for them. I simply believe that all of our views will work in our favor because we as humans will take life’s circumstances and cut them and trim them to fit into our belief systems and patterns. We do this to answer those questions that can’t be answered. We do this to understand ourselves and each other. I am one of these people. Believing in what I do, explains why I struggle the way I do, it creates a peace in my mind born from understanding. It cushions the falls that occur throughout life.
My beliefs are simple. Instead of a light at the end of a tunnel, my beliefs are more like a lighter in my pocket. They illuminate things in my immediate path. They show me what is up and what is down. I cannot see far ahead of me but, I can see enough to not fall. I can see enough to walk a little bit further. Each step takes me closer to the other end of the tunnel and closer to freedom. Each step takes me closer to peace. I am simply a ‘believer’. I cannot perform miracles. I cannot call God down to sit among us. I can and I will simply abide by my faith and hope that upon my death, I will discover peace

Like Really?

1.) If you have a good man, you have a good man. If you have a good woman, you have a good woman. There is none of this so called 'not ready to settle down' or 'ready to stop being extra'. A good man will be good from the beginning and so will a good woman. You see, being monogamous and honest, are not 'settling down'. They are simply the right ways to approach a relationship. If you are not in a relationship, you can only expect what you ask for. Ask for what you want, don't accept less than what you need. It's that simple.

2.) Don't ever ever ever ever EVA EVA EVA let someone treat you as though being with you is something they are doing for your benefit. A relationship is something reciprocal and if you feel as though you have to DECIDE to ALLOW someone to have that place in your life, you are an idiot and your ego is going to ruin your life. No one expects you to be with someone that you don't like or cant see a relationship growing with. However, if you treat people like you are doing them a FAVOR by being with them, lol, do yourself a favor and grow the hell up. Like really. Last I checked, your d*ck was not dipped in gold and ma'am, ur p***y still dont drip dollars....(I know its crude but its real)

3.) What you put out in life comes back to you. I'm not talking about karma either. I mean basically, if you lie, cheat and steal from people that care about you, when you care about someone it will happen to you. Stop treating these men like they are naughty nasty boys. They are men. Stop treating these women like they are projects to be completed and checked off a list. They are women. People, we are all human and we need to understand and respect the fact that male or female, each one of us deserves honesty, love, respect and security.

4.) Use condoms. We have all been guilty of backin it up before wrappin it up so no judging. Just be safe. Try to remember that you can only trust a person so far no matter how much you care about them. Trust in the fact that no matter how much you care about someone, things happen and nobody wants to get sick. Somethings just arent worth the damn trouble. Use condoms.

okay I'm done for now. I love ya'll.

Flashback

Sometimes, I look into my past. I will be sitting doing nothing and memories will pop into my head. Sometimes, they are so clear it is like being right back in the exact moment. Often times, the memories are happy ones and I catch myself smiling into the room for no reason at all. Other times, the memories are sad and I push them away. Recently though, I seem to be finding more and more questions in my past. The question that is begging to be answered the most is, "WHY?"

Why? Why. WHY? Hmmmmmm. Why did I allow you to spread that rumor? Why did I pick that sweater with those jeans? Why did you let that boy kiss you? Why did you allow that man to hurt you for so long? Why did you even stop walking that day? LOL there are so many different questions to be answered but, they are all asked the same.... WHY?

Truth is, I don't know why. I don't know why I allowed people to say such horrible things about me for so long. Truth is, sometimes, the things people said about me were true. Why did I give them something to talk about? I don't know. I don't know why I thought dressing like people from Saved By The Bell was a good idea. My classmates definitely tried to educate me on that one. OOPS LOL. SMDH. I don't know. My first kiss was in between classes in high school and the boy was eating pretzels. One of the worst moments of my life. Why? Cus I didnt know any damn better.  That is the answer to almost all of those questions. I don't know...I guess I just didnt know any better.

I look on Facebook from time to time and I see new pictures pop up in my news feed. Pictures of ex's or old friends, pictures of people that added me to be nosey because they havent spoken a word to me since they added me. I get a little frustrated sometimes with myself because I wonder why I ever allowed people to hurt me for so long, including myself. Lord knows, I have done plenty of damage to myself. The thing that get's me though, is why did I allow people to hurt me for so long? People think I am bitchy now or oversensitive. I wish they could reconcile who I am now with who I used to be. Maybe then, they would understand. You see, I see these pictures and I get angry and I start deleting folks, blockin' folks, just getting rid of em because I didnt know how to before. I didnt know any better. I know now.

I have been through so much. Too much, to allow people to continue to hurt me or to fade into black when my world is dark and to jump into the limelight when God blesses me with sunshine. I feel sunshine on my face, I know that there will be clouds but SUNSHINE is behind them. I am seeing God work for me. He is freeing me from the chains of my past and I am growing so tall inside. There are plenty of things I have to work on that's true. I have decided to take them one step at a time. First things first, Stop asking 'Why' and start asking 'How". I will no longer ask myself or God why things happen the way they do. I am simply going to ask myself, "How do you want to handle this?" and trust God to see me through. So, if ya find yourself deleted, blocked, ignored, or cursed out in a prompt fashion, don't be offended. Be happy for me. I am growin'.

If you look long enough, you will find something.

If you are looking for faults you will find them. There will always be one piece of a puzzle that isnt cut perfectly. It will be an odd fit but, the picture will be complete albeit unique. Stop trying so hard to fix things that aren't broken. The more layers of paint you throw on a wall, the more lumps it will have. I am a wall. I have plenty of layers of paint and plenty of lumps. I am doing the work, stripping the paint and scraping the wall clean. I will be good as new soon. If you keep on throwing paint at me, I'm gonna feel the need to scrape ur face. :)

My Ma and I were recently talking and we came to the conclusion that I should start a journal. She went on to say if I were brave enough, I should share it. I am definitely brave enough. I figured the best way to start would be to do just that. Start. I will by simply sharing. It won't always be grammatically correct or in proper format but, it's just a way for you to start to get to know my personality.

 I am a 26 yr old student. I am the oldest out of six children and my nephew makes seven. My Moms adopted him. MOMS=multiple Moms. My parents are Gay. I love them. I don't care that they are Gay. I care that they can't hold hands at a restaurant, I care that they can't adopt kids together, I care that they can't be married. I do have a Dad, I love him, I wish he were a better parent but, parents are human. They make mistakes. I have a huge amount of love for all of my parents.

I have 3 brothers and 2 sisters. I am almost positive that I have another brother and sister that I have not met. My dad (for some reason that still remains a mystery to me) was quite popular when he was younger and I saw some pictures once of these two kids that I knew, KNEW were my Dad's children. He denies it though, so, I have no way to meet them. I love my brothers and sisters. For the most part we have a good relationship, but we struggle from time to time.

I love Madea plays, I don't care if you think they are ignorant, I find them hilarious. I love my nephew with the passion of a Lioness. I will RAGE AND DESTROY to protect my monkey. He is my heart and he is the JOY of our family.

I am a college student, I plan to become a professor. I would like to teach American National Government. I want to do spots on CNN and History Channel. I love anything that has to do with war or our government. I like just about every documentary to come on History Channel even if I don't agree with it's politics. I will read anything even crap simply because I can't take your word for it. I have to know for MYSELF that it is truly crap. I would marry Stephen Colbert tomorrow but I would definitely still be in love with Anderson Cooper and I would still throw darts at Bill O'reilly. I think he is one of the very few people in our world that should be CENSORED.

I think that I could write until the sun came up and you still wouldn't know me but I am hoping that through reading my blog, you will learn my past and present. I hope my words will give you a glimpse into the dream I have for my future. I will try to write daily. I hope you enjoy it. Feel free to comment.

The Negro Speaks of Rivers

Langston Hughes wrote a poem that likened life to a river,deep in some spots, shallow in others. I believe that we all can find one way or another to liken our lives up to now, to a river. We all have ups and downs and calm moments and wild ones. I personally have had a long winding river of a life that is nothing short of beautiful because it is my story.



The mouth of my river starts at the mountain that is my mother. I liken her to a mountain because she is strong and majestic. She is regal and she is valued for all of her resources. Her being such allows the water that is my river to soak up her minerals and become clean on her rocks. My river starts out slow and thin because for so long it was difficult for me to understand and practice things like honesty and integrity. As I started to grow and learn what it was to become a strong empowered woman, my river began to flow stronger wider and deeper.


As I grew the water became deeper because the problems I faced became more difficult. I had to deal with things like peer pressure, abuse from classmates and self hatred. I hated being light skinned. I hated being poorer than other kids and I hated the high expectations people had for me. The more I hated my life the more the waters of my river raged. Rocks suddenly appeared where there had been none before. I started failing classes, smoking cigarettes and letting hatred for all things grow in my heart. The waters of my river grew frigid and so deep that you wouldn't see any reflection of the woman God wanted me to be in its blue black waters. Eventually all of these things culminated into a very large and destructive waterfall.


Thankfully at the end of every waterfall is a glade of beautiful plants and calmer more inviting waters. Such is the story of my river. After I hit bottom I came to a place in life that became more about loving and living life as a strong woman that did what was right even when no one was looking, than it was about clothes, money or men. The waters of my river are deep but clear, cool, pleasant and refreshing. My river reflects the sun that God has put into my heart and soul. My river is mystic.


The waters of my river have depths that reflect the woman that I am and not the woman frivolity would want me to be. The waters of my river are ever moving and ever changing as I grow and learn but the one thing that my river is not, is dry, because I will never fall in to a stereotypical role. I will never settle for less than what or whom I deserve. I will never stop fighting for those that can not fight for themselves. My river, my life will leave behind nothing but a kind of greatness that has only been dreamed of before because I refuse to be anything other than someone that brings water to those that are thirsty.

Frustrated

First of all, why would anyone choose to be anything that could get them killed or beaten to death?? Being gay is a natural inclination same as being straight. Until we die and have a personal conversation with God, we have no room to decide who is right and who is wrong. Even if homosexuality were wrong which it isnt but if it were wrong , It would only be so if a persons being homosexual directly affected you in a negative manner. It doesnt....Tom Effing Jim has nothing to do with Greg banging Stacy. Therefore, people need to learn to live and let live....in 1861, the world thought black people were disgusting and inferior. Noone was ready to think otherwise....We forced them to do so and now we are making huge positive differences in the world....Gay, lesbian, transgendered and bisexual people deserve the same chance.

Blind

She is enraged...an anger to be blamed on your disability, your inability to see...
She is morbid almost homicidal in her thoughts of revenge on those that seek to pretend to understand...
She is patient in her reasoning, calm and collected because she realizes that you are blind
to the ties that bind her soul.
Little do you know who she really is...Your ignorance truly bliss.
For surely you would be ashamed of how your behavior has maimed her.
Ashamed at how you've slighted her and how the ignorance of your words keeps biting her...over and over...
so much like a vampire you are...the scars you leave not on her neck but her soul as you carelessly suck the love and vibrance from her being...all because you cant remember ever seeing....HER....
She is me and her soul is my own....
I would love to usurp you and take your throne...to sit in that high place and look down my OWN nose into YOUR face....
and laugh at the feeling so innocently etched there....
to kick you down and frown at your whimpers of pain....
knowing that they come from your soul...
I would do it all freely with a lack of compassionate feeling because then I would too
would never really be seeing....I'd be blind...